There Are No Monsters
by hungrywhovianpotterhead
Summary: "saving people hunting things the family business Sammy" "there is no family business Dean... It's all in your head... Monsters aren't real."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Okay so this is an idea that popped into my head, and I just couldn't not write it, what if there were actually no monsters in SPN? What if it was all the insane coping mechanism of a child that couldn't accept his mother's death, one that never went away? This is the story of Sam Winchester, the boy who faces the challenge of caring for a brother that has no grasp on reality, and see's monsters wherever he looks. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or any of it's characters. **

_**saving people hunting things the family busines**__**there is no family business Dean... It's all in your head... Monsters aren't real.**_

When I was a baby, there was a fire that started in my nursery, a night light shorted out, and started the blaze, my mother died in that fire, and I was only saved by my father and brother. My father always secretly blamed me, and treated me like a freak, because if I hadn't been born, the fire wouldn't have happened. It was the opposite with my brother, but that's because that was the night something happened with Dean's brain.

Something clicked in his four year old brain, and reality changed forever. At first everybody just thought it was a coping mechanism to deal with the loss of his mother, and that may be how it started, but it never stopped. Dean never stopped believing in the monsters. He saw them everywhere he went, and even started to devise all of these stories in which me, him, and dad, went out and hunted the monsters. Said it was "The Family Business."

When I was little I thought it was a game, and didn't understand why adults would give Dean those sad looks, and whisper. Dad noticed it too, so one day we up and left, leaving all of the people we knew behind, and started traveling the country in his 1967 Chevy Impala. I never quite knew what dad did to keep us moving, only that we never stayed anywhere for more than a few weeks.

It was only when I started to get older that I noticed something wrong with my brother, how when dad was away for a few days on his trips, Dean would wake me up, and say we had to go, that dad was in trouble, and that we had to go save him. Then he would just go away, and dad would be back by morning, and Dean would talk about how we saved him from a Rugaru, or vampire, sometimes even ghosts, and we would be back on the road again.

I remember the one time we actually stopped somewhere for more than a few days, because dad ran into an old college buddy. Bobby Singer, and Bobby took us in, saying that his home would be our home. Those were the best months of my life, the time we spent at Uncle Bobby's.

It didn't take long for Bobby to realize that there was something wrong with Dean, the way he would randomly wake up screaming, or wander off into the night, returning with some outrageous story about monsters in the woods close to the junk yard.

He also caught Dean trying to pick the lock on the gun cabinet, and carving what he called devil's traps into the porch, said it was to keep the monsters out. That's when he went to dad, and told him that Dean needed help, that my brother was sick.

Dad started shouting, and calling Uncle Bobby names. Uncle Bobby shouted back, threatening to call the police, and have us taken away. That was when dad, packed us into the car and told Bobby he would never see us again, that there was nothing wrong with his son, that Dean was just going through a faze.

That was just the start, it only got worse from there Dean became more bold and angry, his episodes becoming longer. He started to completely lose his grip on reality. The worst time, dad was gone, and Dean got into one of his moods, and started to plaster the walls with things about monsters, and talking about hunting it down and killing it.

He started scaring me, sleeping with a gun under his pillow, I don't even know where he got it, but he hid it under his pillow, and waking me up in the middle of the night, and making me follow him into the night, telling me we were about to hunt a ghost that had been spotted in the woods.

We were out there all night, with Dean warning me about the ghosts. Me telling him I was cold, and tired, and just wanted to go home.

Dean never listened, said I was just feeling a ghost, and should suck it up, if I was going to help him and join the "family business." I remember telling him I didn't want to join the family business, Dean didn't like that, and he told me that I didn't have a choice, not if we were going to catch the thing that killed mom.

When he finally decided we could go back to the motel, he went to sleep, and woke up several hours later, and told me what a good job we did the night before killing that ghost, and never brought it up again, that was when I called Uncle Bobby, and told him I was afraid of my older brother.

Uncle Bobby came right away, we took Dean to a place, that said it specialized in troubled teens, and then went back, and waited for dad to come back. When he did, he was angry, he didn't like that Uncle Bobby was there, and was even angrier that he had sent Dean to get help. He pulled him out of the place right away, telling Uncle Bobby that if he caught him near us again he would kill him.

The thing is, the place seemed to have helped Dean, at least for a while, but then it got bad again, but no matter what dad wouldn't get him help.

That's how it went for the next five years. Until I became an adult, and together with Uncle Bobby, Ellen, and Rufus, we committed Dean into a mental hospital, even though in the process my own father disowned me. Dean has been safe for a year now, and I still get to see him, and I think he's finally getting better, at least I hope so.

**please review**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N hey guys, so I got a really into this story, and I hope I can keep up the momentum, right now I'm still laying down the groundwork for the rest of the story, I hope you like it, and just so you know, there won't be much Dean for a while yet, and I just realized that I goofed something in the first chapter, and insinuated that Sam is only 18 or 19, when he should be 22, but yeah, this takes place in the same year as season 1. Sorry about any confusion, Sam is 22. **

**disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural, or any of it's characters, and do not make any money off of these fanfictions. **

**enjoy!**

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><p>"How are you doing Dean?" I ask, sitting down in the table across from my brother.<p>

Dean snorts, "Great Sammy, just great. I'm surrounded by monsters, and I can't even hang onto my silverware!" he says, wringing his hands, as his eyes dart around the room.

I sigh, "Dean…"

Suddenly his eyes focus on me, with a shocking clarity, "Sam, you've got to get me out of here." He says slowly, "They're gonna kill me Sammy, they're monsters."

I shake my head, "No Dean, they're doctors, and they're trying to help you."

"I don't need help" Dean starts, "Okay, I take that back, I do need your help, I need your help getting out of here!" Dean says, his voice rising sharply, "You have to do this Sammy! We're brothers!"

I rub my eyes, Dean has his good days, and his bad ones, and it looks like today was a bad one, "no Dean." I say, looking him in the eye.

"What's wrong with you? Who are you?" Dean asks, rising from his seat, "What are you? Why are you impersonating my brother?"

"Dean what are you talking about? It's me, Sam."

Dean pushes the table out of the way and charges me, "What have you done with my brother?" he growls pushing me back against the wall. "Where is he?"

"Dean…" I start, but then my brother is ripped away from me, and pinned to the ground, shouting, and demanding to know what I had done with his brother.

"Are you hurt?" asks a nurse, looking me up and down.

I wave her away, "I'm okay." I say, watching as they inject my brother with a sedative, and his eyes roll up into the back of his head. "I think." I start, "I think I should go." I say, guilt rising in the back of my throat, I'm the reason Dean is here. But god knows where he would be without this place.

"Get him back to his room." Orders one of the doctors.

I brush the hair out of my eyes, still shaken by Dean's sudden attack. I can't believe how quickly it turned, one second he was fine, while at least fine in Dean's case. Then he was at my throat, and screaming.

The nurses lift Dean onto a stretcher and wheel him out, he's still muttering something about shifters, and silver, and saying he needs to find me before it kills me.

"Mr. Winchester. Would you like someone to show you out?" a nurse asks.

I shake my head, "No, I know where it is." I tell her, before slipping past, sometimes I wonder if this place is even helping Dean, because he never seems to get any better. But whenever I do think of it, I remind myself, they have nineteen years of issues to sort out, because Dad had always been too pigheaded and stubborn to admit his son was sick.

"Have a good visit with your brother, Sam?" asks Meg, a nurse that has worked here since we committed Dean a year ago. Meg is an average sized woman, with a round face and dark curly hair, and Dean insists, a demon.

"No." I admit, running a hand through my hair, it's getting shaggy, any day now Jess will make me cut it. "I guess today was a bad day, he didn't even believe I was me, thought I was a shapeshifter, or something."

Meg looks at me with sympathy, "I'm sorry hun." She says, "But everybody has their bad days. Even if Dean's bad ones seem worse than others." She says, her eyes are gentle, and I can tell she cares.

"Yeah, I know." I say, leaning on the counter.

"Hey, I was wondering…" Meg starts, "You got any plans tonight?" she asks.

I pause, had I never told Meg I was dating Jess? "Uh yeah, actually my girlfriend and I, we were going to go to a party tonight." I say smiling at her.

Meg flushes, "Right of course, sorry." She says, flustered, "I didn't mean anything by it, promise. Just thought, never seen you with anyone before…"

I shrug pushing back from the counter, "Hey, no big deal, I just wasn't sure I was ready for Jess to meet Dean is all, having a mental patient as a brother might run some girls away." I explain.

"Yeah, I know what you mean, it's terrible yeah, but I know."

"Hey, I don't mean to be rude, but I have to get going, Jess gets off in an hour and I'm supposed to be ready to go." I say, backing up pointing to the doors over my shoulder with my thumb.

"Yeah, of course, have a good night Sam." She smiles sweetly, then thinks of something, "and happy Halloween."

I laugh, raising a hand in farewell, "Happy Halloween Meg. See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow Sam."

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><p>Outside the wind is colder than it was when I went in, cyclones of leaves flying across the ground beneath my feet, as I walk towards my car, dad's old Chevy Impala, I got it by default when he died of a heart attack earlier this year. I still haven't told Dean that happened, I was going to tell him today, but it turned out not to be the right time.<p>

If dad had, had his way, I wouldn't have gotten anything when he died, but since Dean was sick, and in no condition to care for the car I got it instead, because the car, and all of its contents were all that dad owned. That's what happens when you go off the grid. You die and leave nothing but an old car, full of junk for your kids.

Not that all of it is junk, I kept the boxes of old tapes that dad made for our road trips, mostly music from the seventies an eighties, but it doesn't matter, they still play, still sound good. So I kept them, to remind me of when things were good, and it was just the three of us on the road, jamming to Bon Jovi, and ACDC.

Other than that, I kept dad's journal, an old beat up book, that was thick and dirty from all the years he used it, and a sawed off shotgun, which I kept in the trunk, unloaded, just in case.

I get in, and turn the ignition, closing my eyes as the engine roars to life. It brings back memories, even after all this time, I listen to the rattle of blocks in the heater, from the Lego's that Dean shoved inside the vents, and I smile.

Opening my eyes, I adjust the mirror, the necklace I had given to Dean all those years ago, dangling from it, and put the car in gear. Pulling away from the hospital, and heading back in the direction of Stanford campus. To get ready for the Halloween party, that Jess is insisting we go to.

The truth is, I hate Halloween, always have since I was a kid. Dean was always at his worst on Halloween, always swearing that the kids that were out trick-or-treating weren't just dressed as monsters, but were actual demons, vampires, and werewolves.

I tried to move on now that I'm dating Jess, but somehow it just didn't work like that, the unease from when I was a kid, wouldn't go away, if anything it grew. I always feel uncomfortable around kids dressed as monsters, because my brother always told me they were.

Jess doesn't understand that, that's the reason I never want to dress up, and why I don't enjoy going to Halloween parties.

My phone rings, I pull it out of the glove box it's Jess, "Hey, I'm on my way." I say, my mind still lost in the past, dwelling on the childhood that I had because of my brother's sickness, and my father's ignorance.

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><p><strong>Please review<strong>

**Winchester pick ups to all of my brilliantly fantastic readers, until next time allons-y! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N okay so I know this took a loooooong time, but here I am with an update, now this chapter leans heavily on the first scenes of the pilot as this chapter will really set off the rest of the story. **

**disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, but I do own the idea, but that's it. **

Music is pounding in my ears, some new age song that Jess put on, and she's hollering from the bedroom as I put on a denim jacket on over my plaid button up and T-shirt.

"Sam! Get a move on, would you? We were supposed to be there fifteen minutes ago!"

I hear exasperated footsteps, and then she's shouting again, "Sam! You coming or what?"

I stick my head out the door, trying once more to ignore the fact that Jess looks incredibly sexy in that nurse outfit, "Do I have to?"

Jessica sighs and looks at me, noticing immediately my lack of Halloween spirit, and distinct lack of costume, "Yes! It'll be fun." She promises, giving me a flirty smile, before pursing her lips, "and where is your costume?"

I laugh halfheartedly, shaking my head, it didn't matter how many times I told Jess about my Halloween issues, but she never quite understood, "You know how I feel about Halloween." I tell her, just like I've told her for the past two years, since we started dating, a year after I transferred Dean to the hospital near here, and started attending Stanford. Boy was that an adjustment for both of us, considering within a week Dad had tried to bail Dean out and hit the road again, stopped only by me, Bobby, and Ellen taking full responsibility for Dean's welfare.

Jess pouts, and tugs on my collar, "c'mon Sammy, please? A sexy nurse just won't do without a hunky doctor to hang on."

I shake my head, placing my hands on her hips, "No Jess, I don't do Halloween. How about I go out as the hunky law student that the nurse dates when she's not saving lives." I say leaning in, allowing my voice to go low, as I capture her lips in mine, a sure way to distract her from the fact I'm not wearing a costume.

Jess groans, pushing at my chest "fine!" she sighs, rolling her eyes, "I'll let it pass this one time." She says, pointing at me, one hand on her hip, "but next year, you are going to dress up!"

I raise my hands, neither agreeing nor disagreeing.

Jess stands on her tip toes and kisses the tip of my nose, "let's go then hunky undergrad." She flirts, before turning on heel and sauntering out, making sure her hips moved in a provocative sway as she went.

Flushed, I brush my bangs out of my eyes and charge after her.

_~~There are no monsters~~_

"Sam! Jess!" cries out a familiar voice, I smile, here we go, Luis has arrived, and now nobody will be leaving without becoming at least moderately drunk, because when Luis is there the booze flows, and good times roll.

"First round's on me guys!" he says, he's dressed as a ghoul, and I try my hardest not to look uncomfortable because of the costume, and by the fact that I get no odd looks from anyone I must succeed.

"You don't even know what we're celebrating!" I reply clapping him on the back.

Luis grins, "ah, but we are celebrating man! I knew it. So" he leans in, throwing an arm over my shoulder and another over Jess's, "When's the date?"

Jess snorts, "yeah right, like that's going to happen, Sam here isn't ready for that."

I cough, thinking of the ring that's tucked into the glove box of the Impala, waiting for the right time, "Yeah, right" I agree, laughing with Jess.

"Alright you two, I'm going to go get us some shots, and the party can begin!" he says, dancing backwards, tripping on a girl dressed as Dorothy on his way, and firing off a flirty apology.

Jess turns back to me, "We are not letting us get drunk tonight." She says, glancing in the direction of Luis.

"Yeah we are." I say, knowing that as much as we try to deny, we will not be sober by ten.

Jess shakes her head, as Luis comes back, and sighs, "yeah, we are…"

Three rounds later, and Luis is up at the bar, flirting with the Dorothy from earlier, when Jess raises her shot glass, "So, here's to Sam, and his awesome LSAT victory!" she declares, and Luis floats back in, unable to resist the prospect of a celebration shot.

I take the shot glass, but shake my head, a smile crossing my lips as I raise the glass, "All right, all right. It's not that big a deal" I say as Luis downs his shot, and I raise my own to my lips.

Jess grins, "He acts all humble, but he scored a 174." She tells Luis, matter of factly. She can't resist gloating for me, it's one of the things I adore about her, as much as I may dislike myself some days, I know she will always find something that is good.

Luis chokes as the liquor burns his throat, "Is that good?" he asks, even though, he knows it is, seeing as he less and is still in good standings.

Jess tosses back her shot before answering. "Scary good." She says giving me one of her looks that says challenge me.

Luis claps me on the shoulder, he has clearly had more drinks than me and Jess put together, so the clap is unsteady, and much too hard, as he leans in and almost shouts, "So there you go, you are a first-round draft pick. You can go to any law school you want!" he declares.

I chuckle, and duck down, and decide now is as good a time as any to share the news, that I already got my interview, and that I'm going for the full ride, "Actually, I got an interview here. Monday. If it goes okay, I think I've got a shot at a full ride next year."

Jess places a hand on my arm, and I look at her, and I can see in her eyes that she believes in me, and that she thinks I can really pull this off, "Hey! It's gonna go great." She assures me.

I respond with another smile, "It'd better." I tell her

Luis slides into a seat next to me, and says the last thing I want to hear, "How does it feel to be the golden boy of your family?"

"Ah, they don't know" I say, thinking of my dad, his last words to me, "No son of mine would side with Bobby Singer over his own blood. You walk out that door, you don't ever come back." The finality in his eyes, the rage in his voice, the door slamming behind me.

Luis doesn't get the hint, laughing, "Oh, no. I would be gloating! Why not?"

I think for a moment before answering, Dean's face this afternoon floating in my mind, his eyes crazed and desperate, his voice pleading, demanding to know what I had done with his brother, I take breath, chuckling for effect, "Because we're not exactly the Bradys." I say simply tossing a napkin at him.

Luis leans forward, "And I'm not exactly the Huxtables. More shots?" he says, slipping past us, on his way to the bar.

Me and Jess in unison turn after Luis, who is already gone and say, "No. No!"

Jess grabs my wrist, and I'm forced to look at her again, her blue eyes pulling me in, "You know, seriously. I'm proud of you. And you're gonna knock 'em dead on Monday and you're gonna get that full ride. I know it."

Even though she doesn't say it her grasp on my arm, and gentle eyes is comfort enough for the can of worms that Luis opened up earlier, and I know without her saying it, that she's sorry for what I went through with my father, and what I'm still going through with Dean, "What would I do without you?" I ask truthfully.

Jessica smiles, and sighs dramatically, "Crash and burn." She tells me, pulling me in close for a kiss, even as Luis returns with his tray of shots.

_~~There are no monsters~~_

Long after the party is over me and Jess return home, exhausted from the nights activities, during which Jess stole my phone, because I kept getting calls, and she had dubbed it a phone free night, as we fall into bed, I completely forget to make her return the phone, so that I could check the missed calls, and soon we are both too occupied to think of it anymore tonight.

We fall asleep, though it seems that it's not meant to last long, when I hear a crash downstairs, and startle awake. Rolling off the bed, I curse the fact that I don't keep a bat, or something underneath it, and pad into the hall. Mindful of my surroundings.

Years of taking care of a mentally ill brother, that could attack on moment's notice has honed my senses, and made me wary of the shapes in the dark. Inside the kitchen a shadow drifts across the door, and I move to the wall beside the door, pressing my back to the wood paneling, trying to control my breathing.

The door opens and the figure emerges from the kitchen. I launch myself, trying to get the shadowy man in a headlock, he spins and catches my arms, and we tangle for a while, until he throws me off of him.

I counter with a kick aimed at his middle and he charges me, forcing me into the other room, I fight back for a while, until he catches me in a takedown, and throws me to the floor. Now I can see my attacker's face, as he gives me a sly grin, "Whoa! Easy tiger."

I'm frozen in shock, as I recognize the man who invaded my home, "Dean?" I gasp, and he laughs, it's one of the ones he always gave me when I would tell him he was imagining, one of the ones he gave when he was in one of his hazes.

I swallow, "You scared the crap out of me." I say, deciding that at this moment, with my brother's hand around my throat, I should go along with it, because heaven forbid that he think I'm a shifter again.

Dean chuckles again lightly, "That's 'cause you're out of practice." He tells me.

I grab his arms, and kick at his middle, causing us to roll, leaving me, with a knee on his chest and him safely restrained to the floor. "Or not." He gasps, then he taps my leg, "Get off of me." He growls.

I roll to my feet, and despite my better judgment, which is to call the police, and have my brother taken back to the hospital, but then again, my phone is still upstairs, in Jessica's nurse bag, I pull my brother to his feet, and look down at him, I've been able to do this since I was sixteen, when he stopped growing, and I started.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I demand, meaning of course, how the hell, did you get out of the hospital.

Dean claps my shoulders, grinning again, "Well, I was looking for a beer." He joked.

I don't waver. I learned years ago, never waver in the face of Dean Winchester.

"Dean sighs, "Okay. All right. We gotta talk." He tells me, with that look in his eye.

I shake my head, "Dean, we talked earlier. And you could've just called!"

Dean didn't pause, and only acknowledged the last thing I said, "If I'd called, would you have picked up?" he asked.

I was about to answer him, when the light came on, and Jess stumbled in, wearing her short shorts and cropped Smurfs top. "Sam?" she asks blearily, signaling that she was woken by the commotion earlier.

Me and Dean both turn, fear catches my heart, what if Dean thinks she's a monster? What if he tries to kill her? I cast a look in my unstable brother's direction, and thank god there is nothing in his eyes that says he believes Jess is a demon. I swallow, "Jess." I start, stepping slightly in front of my brother, so that if need be, I can restrain him, if he snaps again, "Hey." I turn to face my brother, deciding the best course of action is to play it cool till I can get the hospital on the line, "Dean, this is my girlfriend, Jessica."

Dean nods, looking Jess up and down, undressing her with his eyes, I fight the urge to punch him for itemizing her in such a way, but I hold back, knowing that, that would definitely set him off.

Jess's eyes go wide, "Wait, your brother Dean?" she asks, as she no doubt thinks to all of the stories I've told her, always leaving out exactly how sick my brother was as a boy, never telling her what kind of hospital my brother was a permanent patient in.

I nod tersely, not really wanting this to happen now, I always imagined Jess meeting Dean in the hospital, a controlled setting, with doctors, and nurses on standby, ready to step in, if and when things turned sour.

Dean grins impishly at Jess, moving towards her, and I tense, "Oh, I love the smurfs." Is all he says, eyes glued to my girlfriends chest, "You know, I gotta tell you." He starts, "You are completely out of my brother's league."

I glare at Dean, my fists clenched at my sides.

Jess shifts uncomfortably, and starts to back away, "Just let me put something on." She says, turning to head for our bedroom.

Dean grins impishly, "No, no, no, I wouldn't dream of it. Seriously." He says, sounding almost as though he's in a daze, as he turns and walks back to me. I watch him with a stony expression, waiting for the other boot to drop, then Dean turns back to Jess momentarily, the daze he had been in moments ago gone, replaced by his sure and arrogant demeanor, "Anyway, I gotta borrow your boyfriend here, talk about some private family business."

I feel my heart leap to my throat, of course that would be why he's here, "But, uh, nice meeting you." Dean finished.

I jump, not wanting to deal with this alone, and move over to Jess wrapping my arm around her. "No." I say, glaring at my brother, who looks suddenly dangerous standing in my front room, a cocky smile on his lips, and a boiling maelstrom of uncertainty flashing behind his eyes.

I tighten my grip around Jess's shoulder. "No, whatever you want to say, you can say it in front of her."

Dean smirked, and shrugged, "Okay." He said, then he looks me straight in the eye, as though by doing so he's conveying a silent message to me, "Um. Dad hasn't been home in a few days."

I freeze, I can feel Jess's eyes on me, asking if he meant our father, who died a few months back, the father that ignored all of the signs of my brother's mental illness. Who told me to never come back, who told me that I was wasting my time trying to help my brother that I would fail at that, like everything else. Like I failed at being a son. I bite back the tears that sting my eyes, "Dean." I start, then I stumble and stop, "Dean there's something I have to tell you." I try again.

Dean ducks his head, then cuts me off, his green eyes boring into my brown ones, "Dad's on a hunting trip, and he hasn't been home in a few days."

I suck in a breath, and loosen my grip on Jess, I sigh, this has gone on long enough, it's time to tell Dean the truth, time to tell him that dad is gone, and he never went on any hunting trips, the only thing dad ever hunted for, was the next liquor store, in the next pow-dunk little town, that he could get his next fix in. "Jess, excuse us. We have some things to discuss."

Dean's eyes light up, thinking he's finally roped me in, that I believe him.

I almost wish he was right.

**Please review**

**Demon hunter kisses to all of my brilliant readers. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Hey so sorry about the long wait, I got some temporary writers block, but with your help I kicked it in the ass! and here I am with the next chapter. a lot happens in this chapter, and next chapter should help introduce some more of the characters from the show. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural, or any of the characters. **

As soon as Jess leaves the room, Dean starts spurting his delusions, telling me that he got some sort of clue as to where Dad was.

I hold up a hand, "Dean." I start, but he cuts me off, grumbling about going to some town called Jericho, "Dean!" I say, this time with more force.

He stops, and looks at me, "What is it Sammy?" he asks, coming towards me, he places a hand on my shoulder.

"Dean… I gotta tell you something." I tell him, tears forming in my eyes. True our dad was a bastard, but he was still our dad, "Dean, dad's… Dad's dead Dean."

Dean looks at me, what I said doesn't seem to register with him, then he starts laughing, "That's a good one Sammy. I thought you just said dad was dead." He says, then he gets serious, leaning in close, "you shouldn't say things like that Sam. That's quitter talk, we're going to find dad." He claps my shoulder roughly, "Don't give up hope Sammy boy, we're gonna figure out what took dad, then?" he smiles slickly, and I know what he's going to say, before he says it, "Then we're going to kill it. You and me, just like old times. Saving people, hunting things. The family business. Right Sammy?" he asks, hope in his eyes.

I shrug his hand off of my shoulder, "No Dean. Not like old times. Dean… There is no family business. It's all in your head." I say, "There are no monsters. Dad died of a heart attack, earlier this year. He's not on a hunting trip, and he hasn't been home for more than a few days, dad's gone Dean, he died, he had a heart attack like a normal person! He isn't off hunting for monsters! Because there are none. The only thing dad hunted for when we were kids, was the next cheap liquor store, where he could get his next hit, preferably near a motel, so he could ditch us, while he went to the bar, and drank to forget what a deadbeat he was." I take a breath, and measure up Dean's anger level, figuring that I shouldn't rile him too much, but not really caring at this point.

"This has to stop Dean. Tonight you put yourself, and a lot of others at risk. You broke out of the hospital, you robbed some poor bastard, and stole his clothes!" I shout, pointing at the worn out l jacket over jeans and button-down, "and for what?" I demand, "To come and spout some BS about our dead dad on a hunting trip? You're delusional, and you need serious help. I'm going to take you back to the hospital, before you hurt yourself, or worse."

Dean set his jaw, "I'm not going anywhere Sammy. Especially that hellhole, you call a hospital. I can't stay there, they're monsters Sam. And that nurse? The one you like so much? Meg? That black eyed bitch is the worst of all of them, she's a demon, and you're friends with her! I ain't going back into that place, not until I find dad. He would never do this to me Sammy. He would never make me live with the demons."

"Dean." I try again, "They aren't demons. They want to help you!" I start, but before I can say anything more, Dean is in front of me, throwing me at the wall, pressing his hand to my throat, his eyes crazed, and his breath coming fast. "Dean." I choke out.

Dean presses me to the wall harder, and I can hardly breathe. "You're one of them aren't you?" he asks, looking deep into my eyes, "get the fuck out of my little brother, you black eyed son of a bitch." He orders.

"Dean." I gasp, he's starting to cut off my airways, I see black spots, when Dean releases me, and stares through the door. I turn, and see Jess standing there.

Dean pastes on a smile as he turns to her, "Jess!" I choke out, still trying to catch my breath, "Jess call 911." I gasp, grabbing my brother's arm, trying to stop him going after Jess, who looks at me with fear, before running to the bedroom to call the police.

Dean turns to me, his eyes are clearer than they were moments ago, and he looks at me, and see's the way I'm leaning against the wall, "Sammy?" he asks, putting an arm around my shoulder, concern tinging his voice, "What happened Sammy?" he asks, trying to support me.

I push him away, and straighten, standing in the doorway, "Stay away from me Dean." I gasp.

Dean looks at me hurt, "Sammy… I…" he starts.

"You're sick Dean." I tell him, "You need to get help."

Dean shakes his head, "No Sam, I need to help people, even if they don't want it. Because I'm the only one that can see the monsters out there in the world. I've tried to show you, to make you understand, but you don't, I don't think you ever will either." He pleads.

I shake my head, still backing away from him. "You're the only monster." I spit at him.

Dean's eyes cloud with anger, "No Sam. I'm not a monster, but maybe you are. Maybe all this time you haven't been my brother. Maybe you killed Sammy, and you're some monster, wearing his skin." He says voice low and threatening, "Maybe I should cut you out of his skin, like you did to him." Dean says, reaching his hand into his coat, pulling out a knife.

My blood runs cold, as I watch the light glint off the deadly steel, "Dean." I say holding up a hand, "You don't want to do this."

Dean strikes out at me, and I feel a burning sensation in my arm, and look down to see blood welling out of a slice on my bicep, "You cut me." I say in shock, looking up at my brother with fear.

"You deserved it, for what you did to Sammy." Dean growls, lunging forward again, this time I dodge escaping with only a scratch to my middle.

"What are you talking about? I am Sam!" I shout, this time swinging out and deflecting the knife. Dean loses his grip and the blade clatters onto the floor loudly.

Before Dean has a chance to retrieve it, I scrabble towards it, even if I can't get it, I can keep Dean from getting it long enough for the police to get here.

"My brother would never leave his father out there in the hands of monsters. I'm gonna gank you. You disgusting freak. You hurt my brother, and for that, you're gonna die." Dean says, lifting one foot and bringing it down on my hand, his fingers curling once more around the handle of the deadly blade.

Dean straightened, twirling the blade carelessly between his fingers, "you know what I'm gonna do to you?" Dean asks danger glinting in his eyes, "I'm going to kill you slowly, because you killed Sam."

I try to loose myself from beneath my brother's foot, and he grinds down crushing the bones in my hand to the floor, I hear sirens in the distance, and pray they're coming here.

Dean suddenly takes his foot off of my hand, and starts whispering. At first I can't understand what he's saying, then I realize he's speaking in another language, "omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii," he chants, dropping to one knee in front of me.

The sirens continue to grow closer, and I spot the flashing red and blue of the cruisers outside the window. I scramble back from Dean, and his mouth quirks up in a twisted grin, "Welcome back Sammy." He says happily, stashing the knife back into his coat, and gets back to his feet, "You gotta be more careful baby brother, got yourself possessed." He says reaching out a hand to help me to my feet.

I refuse to touch him, even to take his hand for help.

"Come on Sammy, don't be the tuff guy, let me help you!" he snaps, trying to grab my arm.

"Don't touch me." I growl, pulling away. Dean looks hurt as I push my way up the wall, clutching my arm where blood is still pulsing out of the wound my brother inflicted, I hear feet pounding up the steps, and call out to the police, "Help! He's in here! He has a knife!"

Dean looks shocked, "Sam! What are you shouting for? Yeah I got a knife, I always have a knife."

There's pounding on the door, and it bursts open, letting in at least a dozen uniformed police officers, Jess trailing out of the bedroom cautiously, "Drop the weapon! Down on the ground!" the cops shout, guns out aimed at my brother.

"Okay, okay, let's just take it easy fella's." Dean says pulling out the knife and setting it on the ground, "It's all just a big misunderstanding." He says smoothly, "Tell em Sammy, tell em how much of a misunderstanding this is."

I swallow, "This is my brother." I start, looking Dean in the eye, and he smiles lightly. "But there was no misunderstanding." I say, and look away from him, as the officers slap cuffs onto Dean, who starts shouting, and fighting back, calling me a bastard.

One of the cops pulls out a Taser and presses it into Dean's side, he goes rigid, and goes limp into the officers grasp, another in the back speaking into his walkie, I follow them out onto the street, an audience already gathering out on the sidewalk, to see what the commotion is about, several still in Halloween costumes, and Dean glares at them with rage in his eyes, as they push him into the cruiser, Jess puts her hand on my shoulder, "Sam…" she whispers, "You're hurt." I look down at my bloodstained shirt, and suddenly the adrenalin wears off, I'm struck by a wave of dizziness. Jess shouts, and paramedics surround me and Jess, taking stock of my wounds and guide me over to the ambulance.

As the cruiser pulls away, my eyes lock with Dean, and I see murder in his gaze.

**Please review**

**Dean Winchester winks to all of my brilliantly fantastic readers. Until next time Allons-y!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Holy crow, I'm so sorry I haven't posted a single thing in so long, I just got so stuck, and I had most of this written for the majority of the time, I just didn't know how to end it, and the way I did I think was pretty bad, but I finished this chapter, I hope I can start writing a little faster, I just need to make myself sit and write. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

I've always hated the smell of hospitals, having spent time in them many times in the past years, mostly for my brother. Whether it was for his mental health instability, or because he got himself hurt when he was out on one of his "hunts" the nauseating smell of disinfectant stalked me through the halls, making me think of sickness and death.

This was the first time Dean put me into one though. The gash on my arm wasn't too deep, but I lost more blood than I thought, and needed a transfusion and twenty stitches, it's sure to leave a nasty scar, but I'll live.

I shift to a more comfortable position and look up at the officer that stood before me, a pen and legal pad in his hands. "Explain one more time what happened."

I sigh, running a hand through my hair, "Look, like I told you. My brother is sick, when we were kids our mom died in a fire, and Dean couldn't cope. So he came up with this wild story in his head, about monsters and demons." I explain, "My dad wouldn't do anything, so when I turned eighteen, me, my uncle Bobby, Aunt Ellen, and Bobby's friend Rufus, committed my brother into a mental institution. Last night, he broke out, and stole a car, driving to my house, to drag me out on one of his delusions, when I refused, he went off on me, calling me a demon, a monster, and something called a shifter." I continue, "I didn't realize until too late, that Dean had a knife in his jacket, and he tried to kill me, said I was a monster, that he was going to kill me like I did his brother."

"Okay." The officer said scribbling on his legal pad, "Can you tell me which institution your brother was a patient in?"

I sigh, rubbing my eyes, "He was a patient at Stanford's mental wing, I put him there so I could keep an eye on him."

The officer nodded, "Thank you Mr. Winchester, you were very helpful." He said closing his pad, "You get some rest son, and we can talk about what's going to happen with your brother, tomorrow. When you're well enough to come down to the station."

I nod curtly, thinking of how Dean would probably have to go to an institution for the criminally insane because of what he did last night, and I feel a lump form in my throat, at the thought. For years I've been responsible for keeping my brother safe, now it feels like it's all spiraling out of control. Dean was sitting in jail, and I was in a hospital bed. Dad would be laughing, telling me I earned it, for putting Dean in the hospital, for turning my back on my own blood.

There was a knock on the door to my hospital room, and Jess poked her head through the open door, "Hey Sam." She said quietly, a question written across her features. Walking over, her hair sticking up, wearing and old pair of sweats and a T-shirt, looking like she had spent the last few hours sleeping in a chair.

I look down at my hands, thinking how it must've looked last night. Because of Dean, all of my skeletons came tumbling out of the closet, and I knew Jess would have questions, "Hey, jess look, about…" I start.

Jess cuts me off, "What the hell happened Sam?" she demands, "You told me your brother was in a hospital for severe depression! Not that he was a schizo freak show!" she said, tears in her eyes.

I take a deep breath, "Jess, I'm sorry. I…" I stop, and look up at her, "I didn't know how to tell you what was really wrong with Dean. I thought I could keep you away from that part of my life for a while longer. I was afraid." I admit, "I thought if you knew about Dean, this early in what we have, I thought you would leave."

"Well that backfired! Didn't it Sam?" Jess said, "He could have killed you! If I knew I could've done something, like called the hospital, and had someone come and get him!"

I sigh, recognizing the truth in her words, "I know… I guess I just thought, that I could help him get better, and you could meet the brother I had when I was growing up, he may have been insane, but he was better then, he didn't see monsters' when he looked at me." I pause, looking for the right words, "He used to be better. I wanted you to meet that Dean." I twine my fingers, "I guess what I wanted to say is I'm sorry. I should have told you, but I was scared."

Jess took a moment before answering, "That's not good enough Sam. That's not good enough. You could've died! I almost lost you!" she takes my hand.

I can't look at Jess, knowing the look I would see in her eyes. I hurt her, I wouldn't blame her if she left me right now. But something in the way her hand squeezed mine, told me she wouldn't. "I didn't want to hurt you." I whisper.

Jess sighs, "You didn't Sammy, but I need you to be truthful with me Sam." Jess makes me look at her, "You can't hide this anymore. I can't let you. I'm with you, and I'm not leaving you, just because you didn't tell me how bad your brother was."

I see the understanding in her eyes, and I feel sick, how could she trust me so much? After what I kept from her.

"You're too good for me." I whisper.

Jess smiles, and leans in, her lips brushing against my cheek, in a chaste kiss, "I know." She tells me, before capturing my mouth in a searing kiss that makes my head spin.

~~there are no monsters~~

When I wake, my room is dark, and decidedly empty. Jess must have gone home while I slept. I can't say I blame her, because of me, she's gone through some serious shit in the last twenty-four hours. I'm surprised she even wants to stay with my ass at all, let alone why she would spend her night in some ward in a hospital, that I might as well have put myself in.

I think of my brother. Dean, I can't believe what happened last night, I don't even know how he got out, let alone how he found his way to my apartment.

I close my eyes, I wonder where they put him. I doubt they would send him back to the same hospital, not unless I instructed it. I wonder if anyone called Bobby, he's my emergency contact, well him and Jessica, and she's already here.

They would have had to. If not for me, he was also listed as Dean's, me and Bobby.

I think about how it was when we were younger, when Dean and I traded off, between him taking care of me, and me taking care of him. It wasn't always bad, I'll never forget the good things my brother did for me. Like that time when I was ten.

_Dad had left us, off on some bender, probably passed out drunk on some table in a bar, on the bad side of town, or laid in some motel, a cheap hooker raiding his pockets for loose change. Neither scenario would have surprised me._

_Neither did the fact that the money he had left to feed me and Dean had run out, leaving both of us starving, and squatting in some dingy house in the woods. I was only ten, I couldn't get a job, and Dean? Well it was very clear that fourteen year old Dean was in no state to provide for us either. _

_That never stopped him, one night, when I was doubled over, trying to be quiet, so as not to wake my brother, no need to make him worry, as I heaved water into the toilet. I wasn't sure when that had started happening, only it had been for like a week. Dean didn't see, or at least he didn't want to see. _

_He didn't want to see our shirts seemingly grow in size, and our pants falling off our alarmingly narrowing waists. He didn't want to admit that dad didn't care. So there I was, ten years old, trying to hide my sickness from my older brother, who slept in the other room, I especially didn't want to wake him, it had been a while since either of us slept without waking, with aching stomachs, and creeping nausea. _

_"Sammy?" I heard behind me, I turned, and saw Dean, rubbing his eyes tiredly, "Sammy? Are you okay?" _

_"I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand turning back to my brother, "I'm fine Dean, just felt a little sick is all." I lied, knowing that there was probably something very not okay in both of us, I could see it in the shadows under both of our eyes, and the gaunt look of our cheeks._

_"No you aren't Sammy." Dean said with a completely serious look in his eyes, "You need to eat." He declared, storming into the other room, and grabbing his coat._

_"Dean!" I called, scrambling up from the floor, too fast, as I fell back, barely catching myself on the vanity, "Wait! Where are you going? We can't afford food for both of us!" I argued. _

_Dean turned back, and gave me a confident smile, "Don't worry Sammy. I'll figure it out." He told me, and disappeared into the night, I didn't see him again till morning, he came in, looking exhausted. He smiled when he saw me, and held up a bag, the intoxicating smell of bread wafted out of it._

_"Breakfast!" Dean declared, tossing the bag onto the table, and helped me over to it, and pulled out a bun from the bag, and tore it in half, handing me the bigger half, "Eat it slow Sammy, don't make yourself sick." He warned, as I eagerly prepared to tear into it, while he took a small corner in his mouth and nibbled. _

_I took one bite, sweet yeasty flavor flooding my taste buds, and my mouth watered, as I tried to chew slowly, failing to do so, as I eagerly gulped the bite into my empty stomach, and took another, repeating till the bun had disappeared, and I was about to smile at Dean, and thank him, when I felt the nausea creep up on me, and was running to the bathroom, emptying the bun into the toilet, while tears ran down my cheeks. _

_I felt arms wrap around my shoulder, and looked up into deep green eyes, as Dean helped me to my feet, and tucked me into bed, "Hey, it's okay Sammy, I'll get more. I promise." Dean said, "You never have to worry."_

_He kept his promise, coming home each morning with a small amount of food, bread here, a pack of hot dogs there, a rare jar of peanut butter, all of which I learned to eat more slowly, and was able to keep down more easily. _

_Soon, we stopped waking with gnawing pain in our stomachs, and I stopped getting sick in the middle of the night, and dad came back, ruffling Dean's hair, before ruffling my own, smiling at us like no time had passed, before packing us into the car, and we were off. I never found out how Dean got the food, but I do know that I couldn't give up on that boy, who I believe is still lingering there beneath the madness. _

Someday I'll tell Jess about the reasons why I can't give up on my brother. Until then though, I'll fight for him on my own.

I think about the anger on his face, the pure madness that boils beneath my brother's eyes, lurking, waiting for the perfect moment to strike, I wish we could go back to when his episodes had weeks, sometimes months between each other, and it wasn't guaranteed that he was going to be crazy Dean, rather than the brother I remember.

I lean back in the bed, resting my eyes, remembering the look on his face as he brought home that simple bun, looking as though he had just succeeded in hunting a buck or even a rabbit. He was so proud of that bread.

When he was clear headed, my brother was a good man, amazing even, taking care of his younger brother even though he only had four years on me. When he was bad though… I winced, feeling the stitches in my arm tugging, Dean's eyes flashing with rage formed in my mind.

I don't know what made my brother the way he is, well that's a lie. He's this way because my father never taught him to grieve, granted my father's idea of grieving was found at the bottom of a bottle, or in the arms of a hooker, but he still could have told Dean something to pull his mind away from the idea that monsters killed our mother.

Instead he let his four year old son believe that his mother had been killed by monsters. That he had to hunt them, and save people. I wish I could show Dean the truth, let him know that the world isn't what he sees. That it's not the warped hell he imagines every day, but that it's so much more.

Tomorrow I'd be out of this place, and I would start looking for facilities that specialize in cases like Dean's. With that thought, I lean my head back on the pillow and turn on some TV, and before I know it I'm out.

**Alright, hope it wasn't too terrible. **

**Rockin road trips with all of my brilliantly fantastic readers, until next time. Allons-y!**


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